Please note: this worksheet is to be used within a therapeutic context and under the direction of a qualified mental health professional, preferably a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. It is not intended to be a self-help tool as this could result in serious consequences.

PART I: FORMAL DISCLOSURE INFORMATION

The following information is outlined to support the sexually addicted client through the process of Formal Disclosure. Our hope is that by you taking full ownership with transparency, a bridge of trust will start to be built between you and your spouse.

Your partner has a right know the truth about your sexual acting out choices and the person with whom they are in relationship with. Even if your spouse knows “all the details” your partner still deserves a formal disclosure process as some details may have been previously omitted or forgotten.

Disclosure is formulated as a timeline of your sexual behaviors and deceptions, clearly stated with ownership. Formal disclosure is not a time for apologies, a detailed explanation or minimization. Discussing your feelings and regrets will come at a later time during your Letter of Emotional Restitution meeting.  

Your therapist will assist you in writing your FD. This will likely take a few drafts. Your therapist will provide you with a worksheet guide as a support. FD is best constructed as a listed bullet point of behaviors, actions, money spent and so forth as outlined in your worksheet guide.

Your therapist will work closely with you to ensure the most complete and accurate Formal Disclosure possible. However, when there have been many years of gas lighting or staggered disclosure, your spouse or partner may reasonably be unable to trust that you are fully disclosing all information. In cases such as these, it is not unusual to include a polygraph at the start of the process.

Please Note: There is not a clinical mandate to participate in Formal Disclosure – you have the choice to participate or opt-out. We encourage you to think carefully about the pros and cons, discuss this with your partner, and make a choice that best supports your healing process. If you choose to participate in a Formal Disclosure, this worksheet is designed to assist you.

All Formal Disclosures include the following information:

  • Legal Problems;
  • Sexually transmitted infections and other related health issues;
  • Impact on professional reputation and/or social status;
  • Impact on household/family;
  • Financial impact;
  • Professional reputation;

Your disclosure should also include the following information:

  • List of general sexually addictive behaviors
  • List of specific addictive behaviors, including:
    • Time frames of acting out (dates and/or events)
    • Frequency/duration of acting out
    • Places/locations of acting out
    • Money spent on acting out
    • Behaviors that have involved another person/people
  • Exact number of sexual partners (or an estimate if exact number is unknown)
  • Identity of any acting out partner that your partner may personally know
    • Process this item with your therapist and group, as some circumstances warrant disclosure of this information, while other circumstances do not.
  • Identity of any friends/family members who may already be aware of this problem
  • Information starting from when you first were involved with your partner

Your partner’s participation:

  • Your spouse/partner will be asked to participate in her/his own therapy preferably with a CSAT therapist. Your partner must have his or her own support for Formal Disclosure to proceed. FD will not proceed if your spouse does not have support, and has not completed her/his partner FD prep materials and reading
  • During this time, your partner will be asked to complete reading, material and partner FD prep forms.
    • These forms will be turned into your therapist and will include specific requests and clarification questions he/she may have.
    • It will also include boundaries and information that he/she may not wish to have in your Formal Disclosure.
    • Additionally this will include a specific after care plan for your spouse or partner.
  • Your therapist will then work with you in respecting her/his requests and boundaries as you prepare your disclosure.

AN IMPORTANT REMINDER PLEASE INITIAL:

I understand the limits of confidentiality (child abuse, downloading producing or watching child pornography, elder abuse, dependent adult abuse) as outlined in my initial client intake and informed consent forms. I understand that should I disclose this, my therapist is a mandated reported of abuse and must report this to the proper legal authorities

PART II: SELF CARE FOR DISCLOSURE

Formal Disclosure is typically a very challenging part of the recovery process. As such, it is important for you to outline our after care self-care plan immediately before and following FD.

Outline your self-care plan for the day before Disclosure:

Outline your self-care plan for the day of Disclosure:

If yes, please explain and note that disclosure will likely be postponed and you will work with your therapist who may need to refer you to a higher level of care if you are at risk of self-harm:

If yes, please explain and note that disclosure will likely be postponed and you will work with your therapist who may need to refer you to a higher level of care if you are at risk of harming your spouse, partner or another person, place or thing:

If you are feeling suicidal or homicidal during this process, you agree that you will call 911 and reach out to your support and therapist (sign here):

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I have had all questions answered regarding the Formal Disclosure process. I agree to work closely with my therapist, and to alert my therapist immediately, and/or call 911 if I feel that I am at risk for suicide or homicide. I understand that I am participating in Formal Disclosure by my own agreement, and that I may opt-out at any time. I understand that Formal Disclosure may result in the first steps of my relationship repair, or it may result in divorce and other serious consequences.

Please Note: This information must be turned into your therapist at least one week prior to Formal Disclosure. FD will not move forward with out this form in place.